CHARITY APPEAL FOR SWAT, PAKISTAN

Asalamualaikum wahrehmatullah wabarkatuhu

Any of you that have watched the news over the last few weeks will know...

Click here to see the latest: http://news.bbc.co.uk/1/hi/world/south_asia/8051591.stm

...thousands of innocent Muslims have fled the conflict between the Pakistan army and "Taleban" rebels in SWAT, Pakistan.Now many of them face much hardship and have headed towards the main cities such as Lahore (Punjab).Some of my family are attempting to help those in need with the basics of food and shelter(100% for the sake of Allah - every penny will be spent on purchasing items for those in need)

PLEASE donate generously to help them survive these troubled times and give them a little hope inshaAllah.

Simply click log on to http://www.paypal.com/ and go to "Send Money" > Personal Donation > Gift donate online securely paypal/switch/debit/credit card
using the email address im@imuslimah.co.uk

OR PLEASE DONATE HERE WITH YOUR BANK CARD OR PAYPAL ACCOUNT DETAILS

JUST CLICK DONATE TO PROCEED:





JazakhumAllahu khairun

May Allah reward you in this life and the akhirra ameen.
Wa'alaikum asalam wahrehmatullah wabarkatuhu

iMuslimah.

iMuslimah: Adab Reminders Series Part I

Relocation

Alhamdulillah Adab in Islam has lived on blogger for the last 2 years...
So I decided I needed a change, a facelift perhaps...
This site has now relocated to http://www.soulscripture.webs.com/
The new site will include links and posts from this and all other blogs written by myself.
Please visit it, benefit, bookmark, and become a member.
Invite others also.
Incase you missed the links to the new website, try clicking on the removal truck picture above. :-) See you on the other side insha'Allaah.

Au' revoir from here.
JazakhumAllahu khairun...
Soul Scripture - Umm Salihaa

Phone conversations

Whether talking to a friend, family, a scholar, a teacher, or any other person one much always keep the following basic priinciples in mind. Do not always assume that because you or the other person has "free call time" it is always convenient or appropriate for your to call. Keep in mind:

1. Always identify yourself by saying your name unless it is someone very close to you - indeed there maybe more than one Ayesha or Abdullah the person you are calling knows, and voices are not always easy to distinguish by all.

2. Ensure it is convenient for the person to speak and that they are not engaged in other activities.

3. Do not engage in conversation or answer questions until you know who is calling - lest you disclose something you shouldn't.

4. Choose the right time for your call, whether calling relatives, friends, employees or officials - avoid meal times and prayer times in particular.

5. Make your conversation brief and to the point, so it will not interfere with thier business or other calls they themselves have to make or receive (Particularly important with Shaykhs and such like - do not make a 20 minute story about a simple question, be succinct and try to mention only that which is relevant).

6. When conversing with a member of the opposite sex, for an appropriate reason (eg: a teacher, scholar etc) then be sure not to go off topic, and maintain a level of respect and formality.

7. Sisters - If you have a naturally soft voice, try to make it more 'rough' - so as not to encourage the one who may have illness in thier heart. Indeed in the extra effort this involves will come extra reward inshaAllah for wanting to please Allah (سبحانه وتعالى).

Answering a Question...

One often without realising hastens to answer something without any knowledge, or understanding. Whether it be giving a hasty diagnosis to a friend or family member who has "a similar symptom" to what links to disease x, y, z or whether you simply delve in, glory seeking, to answer a question on a "fiqh" issue with your five minutes of studying at hand.

If someone else in your company is asked a question about something you may also know, do not rush to answer. Instead, do not answer until you are asked. This is the better manner and the nobler attitude. It will generate interest in what you say at the same time as enhancing your respect.

The Tabi'i Mujahid Ibn Jabr (رضى الله عنه) recalled that Luqman the wise, said to his son,

"If another person was asked a question, never hasten to answer, as if you are going to gain booty or win a special prize. By doing so you will belittle the questioner, will offend the questioned and will join obnoxious people with your stupidity and ill manners."

So in effect, one should not act as if on a quiz show "fastest finger first" - but one should hasten to adhere to correct manners, by ensuring others are not harmed by our tongue or actions.

Adab of Discussions and Debates

When it comes to discussions and debates, many of us fail to see far beyond our own opinions, ideas and beliefs. Through our inability to attentively listen, or our lack of patience we fail to maintain the correct adab in discussions and debates, hastening in arguing and fighting instead.

One should be aware that it is only when a speaker has finished speaking that one should pose questions on things they may not have understood. Gently, politely and with a proper introduction one should ask for clarification. One should never interrupt another's speech, raise one's voice with a question or in any other way attract attention to oneself. This is contrary to the correct adab of listening and may initiate contempt. This however is not the rule if the meeting is for studying or learning.

When studying or learning, one should ask questions and initiate discussion in a respectful and tactful manner, yet only after the speaker has finished. The Khalifa al-Mamun said,

"Discussion entrenches knowledge much more than agreement."

Al-Haytham ibn 'Adi, a scholar, historian and a member of the court of four Caliphs - Abu Ja'far al-Mnsur, al-Mahdi, al-Hadi and al-Rashid said,

"It is ill mannered to overwhelm someone while speaking and to interrupt him before he ends his talk".

If a colleague did not understand an issue and asked a scholar or an elder to explain, one should listen attentively to what is being said. It may be that the repeated explanation may give you an additional insight to what you already know. Never utter any word, belittling your colleague; nor allow your face to portray such an attitude.

Perhaps due to some illness or disease in the heart, some look to catch out a speaker, or look for a fault or mistake with which they can fuel an arguement; not realising they are simply playing into the hands of shaytaan. hen an elder or a scholar speaks, listen attentively. Never busy yourself with private talk and discussion with your colleagues. Do not let your mind wander elsewhere, keep it focussed on what is being said. Today many think because they have a small amount of knowledge they are a mufti, shaykh, or alim in their own right. Few of us realise that even if someone is repeating something we have heard before, this repetition may be the difference between knowledge and deeper penetration of that knowledge into one's life, emaan, and actions.

Never interrupt a speaker.

Never rush to answer if you are not very confident of your answer.

Never argue about something you do not know.

Never argue for the sake of arguing.

Never show arrogance with your counterparts, especially if they hold a different opinion.

Do not switch the arguement to belittle your oponents views.

If their misunderstanding becomes evident do not rebuke or scold.

Be modest and kind.

The Art of Listening...

Many of us talk much and listen little. Of the manners in Islam is the art of listening when a person starts to tell you something whether in private or in the company of others. If what that person is talking about is something you already know very well, you should not hasten to let everyone know, but you should pretend as if you do not know it. One major issue amongst Muslims today is that we rush in to reveal our knowledge or to interfere in speech, not considering the person who is speaking or the severity of illness in our ettiquettes. One should show attention and concentration no matter what.

One of the Tabi'i Imam Ata ibn Abi Rabah (رضى الله عنه) said:

"A young man would tell me something that I may have heard before he was borm. Nevertheless, I listen to him as if I had never heard it before."

Khalid ibn Safwan al-Tamimi, who frequented the courts of the two Khalif'as Umar ibn And' al-Aziz (رضى الله عنه) and Hisham ibn 'Abd al-Malik (رضى الله عنه) said:

"If a person tells you something you have heard before, or news that you already learnt, do not interrupt him to exhibit your knowledge to those present. This is rude and ill mannered."

A wise man said to his son:

" Learn the art of listening as you learn the art of speaking"

Listening well means to maintain eye contact (when appropriate), allowing the speaker to finish their speech and restraining your urge to interrupt his speech.

"Never interrupt a talk, though you know it inside out".

- Al Hafiz al-Khatib al-Baghdadi

So one must try to be an attentive listener, giving the speaker respect while they talk, not harming them physically or mentally. We should think before we speak. Whether we agree or disagree with what is being said, we should always follow the correct ettiquette as Muslims.

Watch your tone...

When one speaks to a guest or any other person in a gathering or alone, one should always maintain a pleasant voice, with a low but audible tone. Raising the voice is contrary to correct adab and indicates lack of respect for the person to whom you are talking. One should maintain this adab whether at home or in any other place, with family friends and others. Adab starts at home. If you only observe something outside of the home and not outside then this is clearly only for show.

Perhaps the most important point to note is to adhere to this adab when speaking with one's parents or someone of status or an elder or someone whom you have great respect for. If appropriate one should smile whilst talking to others (obviously not to non-mahrams!). It is is the simple action such as the smile that may act as your charity or simply allow others to be more receptive towards what you have to say, dispelling the stern and humourless impression many have of Muslims today.

The Quran relates to us the advice of Luqman the sage to his son, directing him to speak in a gentle manner, speaking loudly is detested and ugly.

وَٱقۡصِدۡ فِى مَشۡيِكَ وَٱغۡضُضۡ مِن صَوۡتِكَ‌ۚ إِنَّ أَنكَرَ ٱلۡأَصۡوَٲتِ لَصَوۡتُ ٱلۡحَمِيرِ

"And be moderate in thy pace, and lower thy voice; for the harshest of sounds without doubt is the braying of the ass."

(Surah Luqman: verse 19)

Similarly in verses two and three of Surah Hujarat:

يَـٰٓأَيُّہَا ٱلَّذِينَ ءَامَنُواْ لَا تَرۡفَعُوٓاْ أَصۡوَٲتَكُمۡ فَوۡقَ صَوۡتِ ٱلنَّبِىِّ وَلَا تَجۡهَرُواْ لَهُ ۥ بِٱلۡقَوۡلِ كَجَهۡرِ بَعۡضِڪُمۡ لِبَعۡضٍ أَن تَحۡبَطَ أَعۡمَـٰلُكُمۡ وَأَنتُمۡ لَا

تَشۡعُرُونَ - إِنَّ ٱلَّذِينَ يَغُضُّونَ أَصۡوَٲتَهُمۡ عِندَ رَسُولِ ٱللَّهِ أُوْلَـٰٓٮِٕكَ ٱلَّذِينَ ٱمۡتَحَنَ ٱللَّهُ قُلُوبَہُمۡ لِلتَّقۡوَىٰ‌ۚ لَهُم مَّغۡفِرَةٌ۬ وَأَجۡرٌ عَظِيمٌ

O ye who believe! Raise not your voices above the voice of the Prophet, nor speak aloud to him in talk, as ye may speak aloud to one another lest your deeds become vain and ye perceive not. (2) Those that lower their voice in the presence of Allah's Messenger― their hearts has Allah tested for piety: for them is Forgiveness and a great Reward. (3)

Imam Bukhari (رحمة الله عليه) reported that 'Abdullah ibn al-Zubayr (رضى الله عنه) said that after the revelation of this verse, whenever Umar ibn al-Khattab (رضى الله عنه) wanted to speak to the Prophet (صلى الله عليه وسلم), he would talk almost in whispers and the Prophet (صلى الله عليه وسلم) could hardly hear him and would ask him to repeat what he said (Sahih Bukhari).

Al Hafiz al-Dhahabi wrote in his biography of Imam ibn Sireen (رحمة الله عليه) the great scholar, "Whenever he was in his mother's presence, he would talk in such a hushed voice that you would think he was ill." (Tarikh al-Islam)

In his biography of Abdullah ibn Awn al-Basri (رحمة الله عليه), a student of Imam Ibn Sireen (رحمة الله عليه) and one of the famous scholars, he noted:

"One time his mother called him and because he responded with a voice louder than hers, he was fearful and repentant, thus freeing two slaves." (Ibid)

So it is important to only talk as loud as is necessary, and not to raise ones voice over the one whom one respects or is honourable.

Ettiquette between brothers and sisters in conversation

It may ofte be necessary, particularly in the west for a non related brother and sister to speak, whether it be in a shop, at school, college, a hospital, or otherwise. Talking reflects ones personality, this can often cause a problem in conversations between sisters and brothers who are non-mahram to each other. When a sister talks with a non-mahram brother, she should be aware of her tone. She must not beautify her voice but attempt to make it thicker with the intention of pleasing Allah and not falling prey to the one who may have illness in his heart. This means she has to make more effort if her voice is particularly gentle, so inshaAllah will have a greater reward for it. This is not something one should overlook, particularly given the times we live in.

Another problem one faces today is the western ettiquette of "looking at the person you are talking to". This is another cause for concern, as the commands of Allah are being shelved and brothers and sisters believe it is okay to "look" because you are talking to that person. One should ask oneself, does the blind man see the people he talks to in order to judge their tone or understand what they are saying? It is simply unnecessary, and one should take care of ones tone and lower one's gaze when talking to members of the opposite sex, do not give shaytaan a free invitation.

The Manners of Conversation

CHAPTER FIVE

In Surah al-Hajj, Allah described the believers:

وَهُدُوا إِلَى الطَّيِّبِ مِنَ الْقَوْلِ وَهُدُوا إِلَى صِرَاطِ الْحَمِيدِ

"And they have been guided to the purest of talk; and guided to the path of Him who is worthy of praise (22:24)

When one speaks, one should speak only what befits a situation and be brief in doing so. If one is amongst the youngest present, you should not speak unless you are asked to, or you know that your talk will be well received, will benefit or please others. One should not prolong speech, but be clear, concise and to the point rather than prolonging on and on.

Anas (رضى الله عنه) reported;

"The Prophet's (صلى الله عليه وسلم) speech was clear and succinct, neither too long nor too short, and he disliked chattering and ranting." (Sahih Bukhari)

Similarly it was reported in Bukhari and Muslim that 'Aisha (رضى الله عنها) said,

"The Prophet (صلى الله عليه وسلم) spoke [so few words] that you could count his words."

If you hear the athān, stop talking, listen to it and respond to the call of Allāh. Many people, even those with Islamic knowledge, continue talking while the athān is being called. This is rude, as those hearing the athān should listen to it and quit speech, study and even the recitation of the Qurān. Thoughtfully, one should reflect on the words of the athān and the meaning of the call, and one should stop doing all other things, such as speech, study or recitation of the Quran even.

Speech, and the adab of conversation reflects one's personality. It is speech and the actions of the tongue that may lead a person to the hellfire. The tongue is the best and most delicate muscle, for it can benefit and harm. The wise one is He who thinks before speaking. This not only involves the tone, the topic of conversation, the benefit of our speech and the adāb and ettiquettes of listening and debating, but encompasses also one's intention. When one speaks, the tongue should not just flow mindlessly, but one should think about the consequence first.

Ok so alhamdulillah, the day of Eid has passed, and I pray that all our ibadah was accepted, and we are forgiven for the shortfalls, and mistakes we made during this month and our lifetimes.

May Allah (swt) protect us from the lure of shaytaan and give us the tawfiq to fast in shawwal too. May we all be granted the best of the dunya and akhirra (Ameen)

"Abu Ayyoub reported that the Messenger of Allah, salla Allahu alaihi wa sallam said "Whoever fasts the month of Ramadhan and then follows it by fasting six days during the month of Shawwal will be rewarded as if he had fasted the entire year. [Muslim, at-Tirmithi, Ibn Majah, Abu Dawood and Ahmad by way of Jabir]. "

These days can be anytime during the month of Shawwal except the first day because it is unlawful to fast the day of Eid. These days do not have to be at beginning of the month nor do they have to be consecutive. Hence, Muslims should seize this opportunity and fast these six days to gain Allah's reward inshaAllah.

Brief advice to the sisters

In the book "Islamic Manners", Shaykh 'Abd al-Fattah Abu Ghuddah mentions the following key points directed towards the sisters predominantly. That is not to say that brothers are innocent of that which is mentioned but just to say that it is ooften the women who partake in such things.

1. Timing your visit: If you want to visit your relatives or your Muslims sisters, be careful when selecting the days and the hour of your visit and its duration. Do not arrive for example at meal times or at resting times as this may cause inconvenience to the host. Even with relatives and friends make your visit short, brief and pleasant. Avoid turning your visit into a boring wearisome, inquisitive and lengthy visit.

2. Purpose of your visit: The purpose of your visit should be to rekindle and nourish friendship or kinship. A brief considerate visit is more beloved that the long tedious one in which the conversation moves from being purposeful to being aimless and trivial.

3. Conversation:

The tabi'i Muhammad ibn Shihab al Zuhri said:

"When a meeting becomes too long, Satan increasingly participates in it."

As the length of a visit increases and shaytaan increasingly participates, the conversation turns from that which is beneficial to tale bearing, gossip, backbiting and other undesirable and unislamic traits. The worst of all people on the day of judgement will be the one who is 2 faced. So be careful and aware of that which leaves your tongue. The sane and intelligent Muslim sister does not have time for the nonesense of idle talk, gossip and backbiting, speak that which is of benefit or remain silent.

The evils of Al-Ghiba'a are deeply rooted in today's socieety, to read more about Al-Ghiba'a, its causes and cures CLICK HERE and HERE. May Allah purify us and distance us from the evils of the tongue. Ameen.

Keeping in Touch

When one can not visit relatives, friends or acquaintances one should still keep in touch with them by calling, emailing, or sending a letter. This leaves a deep and amicable impression and will keep the relationship alive. Al Fadl ibn Marwan, the vizer of the Abbasid Khalifa al Mu'tasim said,

"Inquiring about friends is like meeting them"

One should however in these situations look to the topic of conversation and pay attention not to fall into the traps of backbiting, idle gossip and slander etc when communicating with people. These manners of conversation will be covered in the following chapter (Chapter 5). However, needless to say the idle chit chat time has increased with the increase of mobile phone contract packages and so called surge in "FREE Ghiba'a" time... a better way to overcome the urge to spend long lengthy conversations of no benefit on the phone is to send a text, or briefly call someone simply to ask how they are; especially those that live some distance away and you are unable to visit so frequently, those that are ill, or perhaps alone.

Duties of the Host and the Rights of the Guest

Duties of the Host

1. Food & drink: If one is expecting to receive guests, one should endevour to be hospitable and generous yet not excesively. Excessiveness in providing food and drink is NOT from the sunnah.

2. The guests stay: You should try to make your guests stay pleasant and comfortable during the day and night. Informing them of the direction of the Qibla and showing them the way to the bathroom. Don't let the closeness or informality of a guesst give you reason to lapse.

3. Bathroom: You should provide towels for your guests to use after ablution, having a shower or washing the hands before and after meals. Do NOT offer towels that your family members have used. It is also a nice idea to provide the guest with perfume and a mirror. One should make sure the toiletries and bathroom accessories will be clean and sanitised. One should finally make sure and inspect the bathroom in advance to remove anything you wouldn't want the guest to see. (i.e. laundry baskets and such like private/personal items). Put your guest at ease and do not burden him.

4. Sleep: A guest would require rest and quiet sleep. The guest should be spared the noise of children and the house as much as possible. One should remove any intimate clothing from view in that room, and if the guest is a man one should remove all womens clothing and belongings from that room.

5. Meeting guests: Receive them with tact and respect. Dress properly and look your best but do not be excessive in this. A close relationship between you and your guest is not and excuse for negligence or indecency in manner or appearance. Imam Bukhari (رحمة الله عليه) reported in Al Adab Al Mufrad that our forefathers used to looktheir best when visiting one another.

6. Kindness: One should be kind and considerate to ones guests. As a general rule do not ask them to help you with house chores. Imam Al-Shafi'i (رحمة الله عليه) said, "Gentlemen do not emply their guests". So don't expect help or demand it.

Duties of the Guest

1. Timing of the visit: When visiting a close friend or relative one should be mindful of the host's circumstances and other commitments. A visit should be made as brief as possible as everybody has various jobs and duties. The host will also appreciate this more as you will burden him less. A guest is only a guest for three days after that he is not considered a guest anymore.

2. Kindness: Be gentle, and be considerate of your hosts and volunteer your help with their business, house chores and obligations.

3. Do not inspect: When at your host's house do not inspect or examine every corner, especially when you are invited beyond the guest room, lest you see something you are not supposed to notice. If you go beyond your room don't look at what you shouldn't be looking at. Also, do not bother your guest by asking to many questions about the host themselves, their families, or the house itself.

Manners of Sitting amongst others

Sitting between two people

If one enters a room, one should not sit between two people, but should sit to their left or right. Abu Dawud reported that the Messenger of Allah (صلى الله عليه وسلم) said:

"Noone is to sit between two people without their permission"

Sometimes two people may be kind enough to favour a person by making room for them to sit between them. One should in this situation acknowledge the gesture by thankfully accepting and being greatful in a good manner by not sitting crossed legged and crowding them. One should be aware that it is not from correct adab to make someone get up for you.

"Two people are truly ungrateful: a person whome you give advice to and he hates you for it, and a person who is favoured with a seat in a tight place and he sits crossed legged".

(saying of Ibn A'araabi)

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Listening in...and private conversations

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If one sits next to two people one should be careful not to eavesdrop and listen to what they say, for it could be that their conversation is confidential and about a private matter. Eavesdropping is a bad habit and a sin. Imam Bukhari (رحمة الله عليه) reported that the Messenger of Allah (صلى الله عليه وسلم) said:

"Whoever listens to people's conversation against their wishes will be punished by liquid lead being poured down their ears on the Day of Judgement".

If the conversation is not private then it is allowed for you to contribute that which is necessary. If one sees two people having a private conversation it is not permissible for one to go and join them. Similarly if there are 3 people in a gathering 2 of them should not exclude one by having a private conversation or a conversation in a language that the 3rd person does not understand, this is from bad adab. It may be that this is the cause of hurt, hatred or rancour in the heart of the 3rd person. It is an inappropriate manner to whisper something to the person next to you if you are in a group of three. Hence the 3rd person should not be isolated in this manner.

Imam Malik and Abu Dawud reported that the Messenger of Allah (صلى الله عليه وسلم) said:

"No two shall exchange whispers in the presence of a third person".

The Prophet (صلى الله عليه وسلم) emphasised "No two..." in an assertive negative form, indicating that such a mistake is not only inappropriate but dispicable. In another hadith reported in Bukhari:

"If you were three, two of you should not whisper to each other till you join other people, lest the third feel offended". Abdullah Ibn Umar (رضى الله عنه) was asked; "What if they are four?" "Then this doesn't matter", he answered; meaning it is not then offensive.

Whispers are usually secrets, so if a friend entrusted you with a secret, do not betray it. Do not tell even your best friend or closest relative.

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In the company of elders

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Generally one should seek to benefit from the company and wisdom of the elders who are traditionally described as "A fruit at the end of the season" or "A sun setting among the clouds". Soon they will depart and leave us behind. Be keen to attend the gatherings of elders, scholars, pious persons, nobles and relative so you may benefit. All to soon we lament at the departure of the irrecoverable loss and missed opportunities. When a person in your company speaks to you afce them, do not ignore them, give them their right of respect and be attentive.

Greeting a Group

The Salaam

If one enters a room, one should greet everyone inside "Asalaamualaykaa". One should never just give to salaam to those they know, but also extend it to those one doesn't know. The salaam should be made with the intention of three: The angels and those one is visiting, or joining. The distinguished salaam of the Muslims is an important quality one must always remember.

Shaking Hands

When shaking hands with those present, one should endeavour to start with the most prominent, the most knowledgeable, the most pious, the elder or the one who has similar Islamic distinctions. One shouldn't start with the first person seen on ones right for one may in turn overlook a more distinguished prominent person. If one can't decide who is the most distinguished in terms of the above,or if they are all of comparable status then one should first greet the elder of the gathering as they are the easiest to distinguish. Imam Bukhari (رحمة الله عليه) explained that the Prophet (صلى الله عليه وسلم) said: "The elder! The elder!". In another narration He said: "The elders come first".

Levels of respect

There are 3 main factors that should be considered when one takes into account the level of respect for others; namely age, piety and knowledge. Islam gives importance to quality in salah, knowledge, prayers, age, the one who memorises the Quran, piety. These noble qualities should be paid attention too when respecting someone.

The Prophet (صلى الله عليه وسلم) said: "Treat people according to their class/honour" (Abu Da'ud)

For example the Prophet (صلى الله عليه وسلم) gave more time to the leaders as they were the most influencial on the people to encourage others to embrace the deen of Islam.

Even if the person is a younger scholar, there should be mutual respect. We should be careful when given a title such as mufti/hafidh(a)/shaykh(a) etc and should still respect the elders for their wisdom/guidance/experience.

Serving

Even when serving it must be remembered that the qualities mentioned above with regards to noble qualities of the believers, one must serve in accordance to the most distinguished/noble of the gathering. If it is a gathering of equals one should start from the right moving from that person's right anticlockwise. One shouldn't leave more important people to serve someone lower. One should first serve the one with the most noble Islamic state.

General rules in conversation

- When a noble person comes from the community give them respect.

- Keep conversation short, brief, concise. Inform the person you wish to converse with, before rambling on and perhaps causing them an inconvenience (this applies also on the phone).

- In a gathering do not talk unless it is to respond to something.

- In a gathering of elders and youngsters, the youngsters of the group should have respect for the elders and the elders should have mercy on the younger people present during conversation.

- Out of respect one should not preach or lecture an elder in a gathering. This shows insincerity and lack of adab.

- Pay attention to the way you sit when having a conversation. When talking to someone, face them, not just simply half heartedly, but fully if possible. This is from the sunnah and the person will feel respected that they're words are being paid attention to.

Adab in Islam (Day 1)

Alhamdulillah, this concludes the notes for day 1 of the "Adab in Islam" course notes.

Still to come....

Remainder of Chapter 4

Chapter 5
The Manners of Conversation

Chapter 6
Social Manners

Chapter 7
Dealing with Non Muslims

Chapter 8
Wedding Manners

Chapter 9
Visiting the sick

Chapter 10
Condolences

Burdening the Host with Requests

Whether one is visiting friends or relatives, one must avoid unnecessary requests that may inconvenience the host. For example, using the phone, going to the toilet or performing ablution.

Good manners dictate that you should be considerate, for not every house may have facilities prepared for the use of guests. The condition or location may cause embarrassment or inconvinience to the host or the family of the host.

One should prepare for things before leaving home, in order to minimise the potential inconvience or burden on the host. A host can only be pleased at a burden-free, non-embarrassing visit; and will enjoy your visit more as a result. One should always consider the convenience and appropriateness of ones actions when visiting.

A Visitor is not an Inspector

When you enter the home of your host, whether as a visitor or an overnight guest, one should not closely examine its contents as an inspector would. It is important to limit ones observation to what you need to see. Do not open closed closets, suitcases, files or boxes. Do not inspect a wallet, a package or a covered object. This is against Islamic manners and is an impolite betrayal of the trust your host has accorded to you. In order to cultivate the hosts love and respect, one should uphold these manners during the visit.

Imam al-Muhasibi (رحمة الله عليه) in Risalat al-Mutarshidin said, "The duty of sight is to preclude forbidden sights and not to try and see what has been hidden or covered. Likewise Dawud al-Ta'i said,

"I was told we would be accountable for our minor gazes, as we are accountable for our minor deeds".

The Arab poet, Miskin al-Darimi said,

"My neighbour need not worry if his door is not closed".

SUMMARY

1. Do not closely examine anything or uncover that which is hidden.

2. Do not be nosey and keep your gaze lowered.

3. Inspecting without permission is a breach of trust and a sign of the munafiq.

4. Uphold and know these ettiquettes in order to gain reward with Allah (سبحانه وتعالى).

Choosing a seat

When visiting someone, one should sit where requested to by the host and should be weary of arguing with the host about the place they wish you to sit. If you sit where you want, you may overlook a private area of the house, or may cause some inconvenience to the hosts.

When the honoured companion, 'Adi ibn Hatam al-Ta'i (رضى الله عنه) embraced Islam, he came to Medina to the the Prophet (صلى الله عليه وسلم). The Prophet (صلى الله عليه وسلم) honoured Hatam by motioning him to sit on a cushion, while he himself sat on the floor. The Prophet (صلى الله عليه وسلم) took a leather cushion filled with palm fibre and threw it on the floor. "Sit on this" he said, "No, you sit on it", the companion responded. The Prophet (صلى الله عليه وسلم) insisted "No, you". So the companion sat on the cushion whilst the Prophet (صلى الله عليه وسلم) sat on the floor.

(Ibn Kathir: al-Bidaya wa al-Nihaya)

"Kharija ibn Zayada visited Ibn Sirin and found him sitting on a cushion on the floor and wanted to sit like him, saying, "I wish to sit as you sit". Ibn Sirin replied, "In my home, I will not be content to provide you with my ordinary seat. Sit where you are asked to sit".

It is hence important not to sit in the host's seat unless he invites you to do so. In this regard, the Prophet (صلى الله عليه وسلم) said:

"No person shall lead another in prayer while at the latter's house. No person shall sit, uninvited, at the favourite seat of the master of the house."

If one arrives early at a gathering and the host out of kindness directs you to sit at the most prominent seat, be prepared to stand up and give the seat to the elders, the notables or the scholars when they arrive after you. they deserve the seat more than you. do not be insensitive and tactless. Refusing to give up a seat to those who traditionally deserve it, only indicates lack of manners and common sense.

The Prophet (صلى الله عليه وسلم) said:

"Those who do not respect the elders do not belong to us."

Remaining entrenched in ones seat does not help to elevate ones status, but will certainly raise eyebrows amongst those present. Insisting upon undeserved honour is considered arrogance. This rule applies equally to men and women. Being insensible does not enhance ones social status, but on the contrary tarnishes ones reputation. Honouring an honourable person will only improve ones standing and stir admiration for ones manners and humbleness. Something many today are in dire need of.

If one is sat in the second best place and a notable person entered the room, one should give up that seat for the person. To be respectful of the elders testifies good manners and social awareness/sense. Imam Muslim (رحمة الله عليه) reported that when organising the prayers the Prophet (صلى الله عليه وسلم) said:

"The wisest of you and the elders should stand behind me, then those below them then those below them."

A prominent person may call upon you to discuss a matter, or to answer a query, or to give you advice. If you sit beside or near them for this purpose, it is desirable that you return to your previous seat once the matter is concluded, unless that person insists you remain in that new seat. One should be aware of the place becoming so crowded that it causes a discomfort to those already sitting there and in these circumstances decline the invitation. These manners are based on common sense, but can be developed by socialising with prominent, tactful individuals; in order to enhance ones good manners and graceful behaviour.

If one is the youngest in a gathering, one should not sit before being invited to do so, or if one would be crowding others or forcing them out of their seat. If invited to sit, one should not proceed to the best place if others are more deserving of it, and one should be prepared to give up that seat to that person. doing this before being prompted to do so, may increase ones social standing and admiration of ones manners and good character.

SUMMARY

1. Wait to be told where to sit and sit where requested.

2. Do not insist on sitting in the hosts seat, or where you wish, for you may see something private and cause inconvenience.

3. Accept whatever hospitality is offered.

4. Always give up your seat for the more deserving.

5. If you are the youngest, do not sit until invited to do so, and be prepared to rise for one more deserving of that seat.

Removing your shoes

As a general rule, one should take their shoes off unless asked by the host to keep them on. Remove your shoes at an appropriate spot and set them in an orderly fashion. Do not forget that the manner in which you put shoes on and take them off, is important. Take off the left shoes first then the right, and then when [preparing to leave] put on the right shoe first then the left.

Imam Muslim (رحمة الله عليه) and other scholars narrated that the Prophet (صلى الله عليه وسلم) said:

"When you put on your shoes, start with the right shoe. When taking off the shoes, start with the left one. The right shoe is the first to be put on and the last to be taken off."

Before entering your house, or that of your bretheren look at your shoes. If they are dirty, remove the dirt or brush the shoes against the ground. Islam is the religion of cleanliness and courtesy.

Control your Eyes

Controlling the eyes is a key part of a Muslims duty. Allah (سبحانه وتعالى) says in the Quran

قُل لِّلْمُؤْمِنِينَ يَغُضُّوا مِنْ أَبْصَارِهِمْ وَيَحْفَظُوا فُرُوجَهُمْ ذَلِكَ أَزْكَى لَهُمْ إِنَّ اللَّهَ خَبِيرٌ بِمَا يَصْنَعُونَ

"Say to the believing men that they should lower their gaze and guard their modesty: that will make for greater purity for them: And Allah is well acquainted with all that they do."

(Surah an Nur: verse 30)

When asking permission to enter a home, avoid glancing unnecessarily at its interior or beyond the guests quarter's. One should lower the gaze to prevent one from seeing awrat or anything else that is not lawful for us to see. What is private should remain so. This is shameful and harmful. Abu Dawud and al Tabarani explain that:

Sa'd ibn 'Ubada (رضى الله عنه) said. " A man stood facing the door of the Prophet (صلى الله عليه وسلم) while asking permission to enter. The Prophet (صلى الله عليه وسلم) said, "Turn this way," turning him away and ordering him to move further from the door, saying, "Asking permission is prescribed to prevent intrusion."

In other narrations:

Huzail (رضى الله عنه) said, "A man came and stood at the door of the Prophet (صلى الله عليه وسلم) seeking permission to enter. The Prophet (صلى الله عليه وسلم) said to him, "Like this or like this (perhaps indicating that he should stand to the right or left of the door but not directly efore it), for seeking permission is legislated for sight.

(Abu Dawud : Sahih)

Imam Bukhari (رحمة الله عليه) also explained in Al Adab Al Mufrad that the person should not loook inside a house before getting permission. If you do [look inside before asking permission], you have already entered [that is, trespassed]." Abu Dawud, Tirmidhi and Bukhari stated in Al Adab Al Mufrad a hadith narrated by Abu Hurairah (رضى الله عنه) who said:

The Messenger of Allah (صلى الله عليه وسلم) said "Is the sight leaps, permission should be denied."

(Abu Dawud - Chapter of Adab)

In other narrations by Abu Huraira (رضى الله عنه):

"When one looks inside of the home of people without their permisssion, it becomes permissible for them to gouge out his eye."

(Muslim)

"Were a man to look into your home/private property wihtout your permission, and were you to pelt him with pebbles and knock out his eye, there would be no sin upon you."

(Bukhari & Muslim)

Also, Imam Bukhari (رحمة الله عليه) narrated that:

Ammar ibn Sa'id al-Tujibi reported that Umar Ibn al-Khattab said, "Whoever fills his eys with the sight of the interior of a house before being permitted is a wrongdoer".

Bukhari, Muslim and others narrated that:

Sahl ibn Sa'd (رضى الله عنه) said that a man peeked through a hole into the room of the Prophet (صلى الله عليه وسلم) while he was scratching his head with a small pitchfork. When the Prophet (صلى الله عليه وسلم) saw the intruder he told him, "Had I known you were looking I would have poked your eye! Asking permission was prescribed to prevent intrusion."

In another narration

Anas Ibn Maalik (رضى الله عنه) reported that a man looked through a hole into one of the Prophet (صلى الله عليه وسلم) apartments, and so the Prophet (صلى الله عليه وسلم) stood up to go to him with an arrowhead(s). It was as if I saw the Messenger of Allah (صلى الله عليه وسلم) try to take him by surprise in order to stab him."

SUMMARY

1. Seek permission and stand to the right or left of the door when visiting.

2. Lower your gaze.

3. Looking into properties without permission is similar to spying, and intrusion.

4. Control your eyes and control your nafs.

Declining a Visit

If one visits a friend, with or without an appointment and they apologise for not being able to receive you accept their apology without any ill feelings. You should understand that something may have come up for them to decline your visit. Their previous plans, or state of their house, may have made your visit inconvenient. Similarly one should cancel an appointment (in whatever capacity this may be) if one is aware of not being able to attend. This adab is important as it removes any ill feelings that may otherwise linger due to declination. Those that do not decline, or cancel a visit may in turn end up disgracing themselves. It is hence important to fulfil promises and keep appointments and if we are declined, not to hold a grudge.

Allah says:

فَإِن لَّمْ تَجِدُوا فِيهَا أَحَدًا فَلَا تَدْخُلُوهَا حَتَّى يُؤْذَنَ لَكُمْ وَإِن قِيلَ لَكُمُ ارْجِعُوا فَارْجِعُوا هُوَ أَزْكَى لَكُمْ وَاللَّهُ بِمَا تَعْمَلُونَ عَلِيمٌ

"If ye find no one in the house, enter not until permission is given to you: if ye are asked to go back, go back: that makes for greater purity for yourselves: and Allah knows well all that ye do."

(Quran 24:28)

Many don’t know how to act in such circumstances where a guest arrives and it is not convenient for them to be received. Often people resort to lying, but not only do children learn from this behaviour, but it may lead to further problems. Lying promotes enmity and hatred and displays the signs of the munafiq. Don’t clearly and blatently lie about your presence. Declination of a visit does not require explanation, as not everybody is able to express such reasons. There is hence great importance on not holding a grudge but reflecting on the abover ayah from the Quran. Too much time is spent and wasted today in persuit of minor issues and disputes.

The Tabi’i Qatada ibn Di’ama al-Sudusi said, “Do not hang around the door of those who decline to recieve your visit. Accept their reason, move on to attend to your business, and let them attend to theirs”.

One should not ask for a reason or an explanation as Imam Malik (رحمة الله عليه) used to say;

“Not all people can disclose their excuses”

The one visiting should seek permission by saying; “You’re not busy are you” or “Perhaps you’re busy and can’t receive us” to make the hosts feel at ease. One should always remember even in telephone calls to seek permission to take that persons time, removing any ill feelings if declined. It is important adab not to make it difficult for someone to decline, as that in turn may cause some harm to them or their situation.

Imam al-Tabari in his Tafsir reported that a man of the Muhajirin said, “All my life, I wanted to practice this verse :If ye find no one in the house, enter not until permission is given to you: if ye are asked to go back, go back: that makes for greater purity for yourselves: and Allah knows well all that ye do.” (Quran 24:28), but I could not. I was hoping I would seek permission to visit a brother and he would tell me to ‘Go back!’ I would gladly have left, thus fulfilling the commandment of Allah”

SUMMARY:
1. If you can’t make an appointment, cancel it.
2. If something comes up, decline your visitor, and tell him to return; but don’t lie!
3. If you are declined, don’t hold a grudge.
4. Strive to be frank, true, brave, generous by following the example of the Prophet (صلى الله عليه وسلم) and His companions, wherever possible.

THE NEW ADAB BLOG

Asalamualaykum wahrehmatullahi wahbarakatuhu

The new "user-friendly" version of Adab in Islam is now up and running at:

http://adabinislam.wordpress.com

Notes will however also be updated here for those that prefer this style to the new one. If u have any constructive criticism, or feedback, please add comments to this post.

JazakhumAllahu khairun.

Wa'alaykum asalaam wahrehmatullahi wahbarakatuhu

The Right Time?

APPROPRIATE TIME TO VISIT?

One should always choose an appropriate time for visiting. It is disliked to visit at inconvenient times:

1) Meal times

2) When it is the time for the noon rest

3) When people are resting or relaxing

4) Before Fajr prayers

5) After Isha' Prayers

THE LENGTH OF THE VISIT

The length of a visit should correspond with how well you know the host, their circumsances and conditions. Do not overstay your welcome by making your visit too long or burdensome. One should always be aware not to sit for too long, as we may be harming the hosts.

Today many of us neglect this adab and continue to sit for hours, assuming it is okay because we know the hosts well, and are very close to them. This is not correct. Often a longer visit, is of little benefit and increases opportunity for purpose to divulge into major sins of Backbiting, slander and idle gossip.

When visiting someone, there is a fine line between being welcome and harming the host, by over burdening them with requests and demands. Often people are in a hurry and one should seek ijaza for their time. This is especially important when visiting Ulema. One should always endeavour to seek an appointment where possible to avoiding inconveniencing someone. As people have their own schedules and it may not be convenient for them

Imam Nawawi (رحمة الله عليه) said:

"It is strongly recommened for Muslims to visit the pious people, their brethren, neighbours, friends and relatives, and to be generous, kind and obliging to them. However, the extent of the visit varies according to the hosts circumstances. The visit ought to be conducted in a pleasant manner and at convenient times. There are numerous sayings and traditions in this regard."

(Al Adhkar in the chapter of Isti'dhan)

The Manners of Visiting

CHAPTER 4

KEEPING APPOINTMENTS

Allah (سبحانه وتعالى) says in the Quran:

يَا أَيُّهَا الَّذِينَ آمَنُواْ أَوْفُواْ بِالْعُقُودِ

"O you who believe, fulfil your promises....."

(Surah Al Mai'da: Verse 1)

Allah (سبحانه وتعالى) also praised Prophet Isma'il;

وَاذْكُرْ فِي الْكِتَابِ إِسْمَاعِيلَ إِنَّهُ كَانَ صَادِقَ الْوَعْدِ وَكَانَ رَسُولًا نَّبِيًّا

"Also mention in the Book (the story of) Isma’il: He was (strictly) true to what he promised, and he was an Apostle (and) a Prophet."

(Surah Maryam: Verse 54)

Keeping appointments is vital to life. Time is the most precious commodity. Once wasted, it can never be recovered. If you make an appointment, whether with a friend, Ulema or for business, you should do your utmost to keep this appointment. This somewhat simple adab is the right of the person you are visiting, as they have favoured you by sacrificing their valuable time for you. Lapse in timekeeping and failure to keep an appointmentnot only disrupts and causes inconvenience to the one you are visiting/meeting/arranged to see but also marrs your image and reputation. As your time keeping skills decline, peoples respect for you will also. Regardless of their importance, one should always endeavour to keep appointments;

وَأَوْفُواْ بِالْعَهْدِ إِنَّ الْعَهْدَ كَانَ مَسْؤُولاً

"....And keep your promises; the promise is a responsibility"

(Quran Surah Al-Isra: verse 34)

The Prophet (صلى الله عليه وسلم) once gave an appointment to one of his Companions. The Companion came 3 days later. The Prophet (صلى الله عليه وسلم) gently reprimanded him saying "You have caused me some trouble. I have been waiting for you for 3 days". The Companion probably had an excuse for this however he had no means by which to inform the Prophet (صلى الله عليه وسلم) of this in advance.

Today in an age of technology and reliable communication available everywhere, one would wonder why we have MST (Muslim Standard Time) or general widespread lateness amongst the Muslims. One should realise that we may infact be inconveniencing those who are to be visited. To seek an appointment is to seek permission. One should always endeavour to inform of the inability to make an appointment as that valuable time can be utilised elsewhere. No matter how unimportant a meeting may seem, it always merits an apology or prior notice of lateness, or cancellation.

An appointment is a commitment which shoould be kept properly or cancelled in advance.

In an age where the words "إن شاء الله" and "promise" are merely lipservice, one should be reminded of the clear prohibition of breaking promises and trust:

The Prophet (صلى الله عليه وسلم) said: "Three traits single out the hypocrite, even if he prays or fasts and claims to be Muslim: if he speaks he lies. If he makes a promise, he does not keep it. If he is entrusted, he betrays the trust."

(Bukhari & Muslim)

Imam Ghazali (رحمة الله عليه) explained that this hadith is applicable to those who promise while intending not to fulfil it, or those who, without excuse, decide later not to fulfil a promise. Those who promise but could not fulfil their promise due to a proper excuse are not hypocrites. One should be careful not to present a false excuse as Allah (سبحانه وتعالى) knows that which is in our hearts.

Never make a promise while intending not to keep it, for verily, actions are but by intentions. This is forbidden as it falls within lying and hypocrisy.

Adab In Islam Part 2

Click above poster to enlarge

JazakhumAllahu khairun to the organisers and Mufti Muhammad for an enlightening part 2 to the course. May Allah (سبحانه وتعالى) reward them in this life and raise their rank in the akhirra Ameen.

May He (سبحانه وتعالى) give all of those that attended both parts the tawfiq to implement what they learnt and become role models through their adaab. May we all continue to seek knowledge, strive in the path of Allah, and solely implement these adaab for the sake of Allah alone, inviting and guiding others to Islam through the beauty of our character, inshaAllah. May Allah forgive us all and purify us.

Ameen.

NB: If you attended the course, please leave feedback comments (on what you thought of it) on this post. JazakhumAllahu khairun.

ADAB in Islam Course

EVERY FRIDAY @ ISLAMBRADFORD

Teacher : Imam Imran Nauth

Time : 7pm Friday (11th May - 13th July 2007)

Event Location : The IslamBradford Centre, Preston Street, Bradford, BD7 1JP

Syllabus: http://www.islambradford.pwp.blueyonder.co.uk/SyllabusAdab1.pdf

Cost: Your TIME!

Buy the book: http://www.islamworlduk.com/scripts/prodView.asp?idproduct=534

Identifying Oneself

If you knock a door or ring the bell when you visit someone, and are asked "Who is it?" you should identify yourself by giving your common name or kunya. It is disliked to respond "It is me" or "Somebody" or "Guess who?" because these do not give away your identity and may agrevate the person being visited who may indeed not recognise voices easily.

Jabir Ibn Abdullah (رضى الله عنه) narrated: "I went to the Prophet (صلى الله عليه وسلم) for a debt that was upon my father. I knocked on the door, and He (صلى الله عليه وسلم) said, "Who is there?" I answered "Me". He said "Me, me" in a way that showed His dislike of my answer.

(Bukhari & Muslim)

*

During the year of the Makkan conquest, Umm Haanai رضى الله عنها (the sister of Ali ibn Abi Talib) once went to the Prophet (صلى الله عليه وسلم) and learned that he was taking a bath. His daughter Fatimah رضى الله عنها was holding up a cover to protect him from the view of others. Umm Haanai later said, "Then I extended greetings of peace to Him, and He said, 'Who is this?' I said, Umm Haanai Bint Abu Taalib..."

(Bukhari and Muslim)

*

Abdullahi ibn Buraidah (رضى الله عنه) related that his father said, "The Prophet (صلى الله عليه وسلم) left to go to the Masjid; meanwhile Abu Moosa was reciting. He (صلى الله عليه وسلم) said, "Who is this?" I said, 'I am Buraidah; may I be made ransom for you', He (صلى الله عليه وسلم) said 'This one has been given the flute (i.e. his voice) from the flutes of Dawood's family".

(Al Adab Al Mufrad)

*

Abu Dharr (رضى الله عنه) said "One night while I was walking I saw the Messenger of Allah (صلى الله عليه وسلم) walking by himself. I walked behind him in the shade of the moon, but he turned around and saw me and asked, "Who is there?" I replied, "It is Abu Dharr".

(Bukhari)

*

So the correct adab of identifying oneself is to avoid confusion and clearly convey ones identity.

Knocking & Ringing

When at the door, one should knock or ring the bell in a pleasant way and not louder than necessary to make your presence known. One should not knock loudly and violently or ring the bell continuously. In other words, one should act like a visitor, and not a thug or oppressor attempting to frighten the occupants.

A woman went to visit Imam Ahmad Ibn Hanbal (رحمة الله عليه) seeking his opinion on a religious matter. She banged the door loudly. He came out saying "This is the banging of the police". Likewise Imam Bukhari (رحمة الله عليه) reported in al-Adab al-Mufrad that the Companions of the Prophet used to knock with the tips of their fingers in a soft and gentle manner.

If the living quarters of the person you are visiting are close to the door, it is important to only softly/gently knock with the tips of the fingers, to make your presence known. For those with living quarters further from the door, it is appropriate to knock a little louder, but without banging, or ring the bell enough for them to hear. The Prophet (صلى الله عليه وسلم) said:

"Gentleness adorns every act. Its absence will tarnish it."

In addition, Imam Muslim (رحمة الله عليه) reported that the Prophet (صلى الله عليه وسلم) also said:

"Whoever lacks kindness, lacks all good things".

Between knocks or rings of the bell, one should leave adequate time to allow those being visited to finish performing wudu, finish salaah (approximate time it takes to read 4 raka'as) , or to allow them to finish eating without rushing. One should keep in mind that the person being visited may have jsut started one of the above acts, before you knocked or rang the bell.

After attempting knocks or ringing the bell 3 spaced times, it is important to understand that the person you are visiting may be busy, or would have answered, hence you should leave. One should never enter without permission. The Prophet (صلى الله عليه وسلم) said:

"If you sought permission three times, and were not granted permission, then you must leave".

(Bukhari & Muslim)

When you knock or ring the bell, it is also important that you do not stand infront of the door, but to the left or right of it. The Messenger of Allah (صلى الله عليه وسلم) recommended that one should stand to the left or to the right of the door and to avoid facing it to prevent people seeing things that are either unlawful for them to see, or that which is private.

SUMMARY
1. Knock gently with the tips of the fingers, or just loud enough for the occupants to hear.
2. Do not bang the door or ring the bell continuously. Be patient.
3. Allow enough time for the person to answer the door (about the time it takes to read 4 raka'ahs) between each knock.
4. After 3 spaced knocks, and no answer. Leave.
5. Do not stand infront of the door, but slightly to the right or left, so that you may protect your eyes from that which may not be lawful for you to see.

Seeking Permission to Enter

Allah (سبحانه وتعالى) says in the Quran:

يَا أَيُّهَا الَّذِينَ آمَنُوا لَا تَدْخُلُوا بُيُوتًا غَيْرَ بُيُوتِكُمْ حَتَّى تَسْتَأْنِسُوا وَتُسَلِّمُوا عَلَى أَهْلِهَا ذَلِكُمْ خَيْرٌ لَّكُمْ لَعَلَّكُمْ تَذَكَّرُونَ

"O you who believe! Enter not houses other than your own, untill you have asked permission".

(Quran 24: 27)

Allah (سبحانه وتعالى) also says:

يَا أَيُّهَا الَّذِينَ آمَنُوا لِيَسْتَأْذِنكُمُ الَّذِينَ مَلَكَتْ أَيْمَانُكُمْ وَالَّذِينَ لَمْ يَبْلُغُوا الْحُلُمَ مِنكُمْ ثَلَاثَ مَرَّاتٍ مِن قَبْلِ صَلَاةِ الْفَجْرِ وَحِينَ تَضَعُونَ ثِيَابَكُم مِّنَ الظَّهِيرَةِ وَمِن بَعْدِ صَلَاةِ الْعِشَاء ثَلَاثُ عَوْرَاتٍ لَّكُمْ لَيْسَ عَلَيْكُمْ وَلَا عَلَيْهِمْ جُنَاحٌ بَعْدَهُنَّ طَوَّافُونَ عَلَيْكُم بَعْضُكُمْ عَلَى بَعْضٍ كَذَلِكَ يُبَيِّنُ اللَّهُ لَكُمُ الْآيَاتِ وَاللَّهُ عَلِيمٌ حَكِيمٌ

" O ye who believe! let those whom your right hands possess, and the
(children) among you who have not come of age ask your permission (before they come to your presence), on three occasions: before morning prayer; the while ye doff your clothes for the noonday heat; and after the late-night prayer: these are your three times of undress: outside those times it is not wrong for you or for them to move about attending to each other: Thus does Allah make clear the Signs to you: for Allah is full of knowledge and wisdom.".

(Quran 24:58)

If family members are resting in their rooms and you want to join them, or enter, it is appropriate adab to seek their permission or to knock on the door. This was recommended by the Prophet (صلى الله عليه وسلم) so as to protect us from seeing them in a condition that either you or they may dislike. This is applicable to the entire household.

The Prophet (صلى الله عليه وسلم) said,

"Seeking permission [to enter another person's private space] has been made compulsory only because of eyesight (i.e. only so that people do not see that which is unlawful for them to see, such as a stranger woman)."

(Bukhari & Muslim)

'Ata Ibn Yasir (رضى الله عنه) narrated:

"A man asked the Messenger of Allah (صلى الله عليه وسلم) 'Should I seek permission to enter my mother's room?' The Prophet (صلى الله عليه وسلم) answered 'Yes'. The man said, ' We live together in the same house'. The Messenger of Allah (صلى الله عليه وسلم) said 'Ask permission to join her'. The man argued 'But I serve her!' The Prophet (صلى الله عليه وسلم) said 'Ask for permission. Would you like to see her naked?' The man replied 'No'. The prophet (صلى الله عليه وسلم) said 'Then ask for her permission before entering'.

Similarly:

"A man asked 'Abdullah ibn Mas'ud(رضى الله عنه) , "Should I ask permission to enter my mother's room?" He answered, "Yes there are certain circumstances in which you would rather not see her".

In another narration, Zaynab, the wife of 'Abdullah ibn Mas'ud said that before opening the door of his house, 'Abdullah used to make a noise, lest he surprised and embarrassed his family. Likewise:

"A man asked Hudhayfa ibn al-Yaman (رضى الله عنه) , "Should I ask permission to enter my mother's room?" Hudhayfa replied, "Yes, if you do not ask for her permission, you may cause yourself a needless embarrassment".

When children reach a certain age they must ask permission and be taught to establish prayer. Allah (حانه وتعالى) says in the Quran:

وَإِذَا بَلَغَ الْأَطْفَالُ مِنكُمُ الْحُلُمَ فَلْيَسْتَأْذِنُوا كَمَا اسْتَأْذَنَ الَّذِينَ مِن قَبْلِهِمْ كَذَلِكَ يُبَيِّنُ اللَّهُ لَكُمْ آيَاتِهِ وَاللَّهُ عَلِيمٌ حَكِيمٌ

"And when the children come of age, let them ask for permission, as do those senior to them in age; thus does Allah make clear His signs. Allah is all-knowing all wise"

(Quran 24: 59)

Musa the so of the Companion Talha ibn Ubaydullah (رضى الله عنه) said,

"My father went to my mothers room. I followed him as he entered. He turned towards me and pushed me down, forcing me to sit. Then he reprimanded me "How dare you enter without permission?"

Nafi' (رضى الله عنه) the companion of 'Abdullah ibn Umar said,

"When any of the children of Ibn Umar came of age, Ibn Umar would assign that child to another room. He would not allow any of them to enter his room without permission".

'Ata ibn Abi Rabah (رضى الله عنه) reported that he asked Ibn Abbas

"Should I seek permission when calling my two sisters?" Ibn Abbas answered "Yes". I said, "I am their gaurdian, supporter and providor of their needs". He said, " Would you rather see them naked?" Then he recited the verse of the Quran (24:59), comcluding that is is obligatory to seek permission for all.

Ibn Mas'ud (رضى الله عنه) said, "A person should seek permission whenever entering the room of a father, a mother, a brother, or a sister." Jabir also said, "A person should seek permission whenever entering the room of a son, a daughter, a mother - even if she is old, a brother, a sister, or a father."

SUMMARY:

1. Always seek permission even of those under your care.

2. Don't surprise or embarrass people so you or they dislike it.

3. Knock calmly to seek permission

4. When children come of age, (approx 7) teach them to seek permission.

Announcing Your Presence

When entering the house, one should always make their presence known to those inside before approaching them. We should avoid startling or freightening them and shouldn't descend upon them suddenly. Anu 'Ubayda Amir ibn Abdullah ibn Mas'ud said, "My father Abdullah ibn Mas'ud used to announce his arrival by calling his family in a cordial tone."

So our presence should be known from the door, especially if we are returning from a long journey. Imam Ahmad ibn Hanbal (رحمة الله عليه) said;

"When a person enters his house, it is recommended that he makes a noise by clearing his throat or tapping his shoes". His son Abdullah said "When returning home from the masjid, my father used to announce his arrival before entering, by tapping with his shoes or clearing his throat."

It is disliked to surprise ones family as Jabir ibn Abdullah (رضى الله عنه)is narrated to have said in Bukhari and Muslim; that the Prophet (صلى الله عليه وسلم) denounced surprising the family at night, whether returning from a trip or otherwise, as if they distrusted them and want to discover what goes on behind their backs. Women are often fragile and easily frightened/startled; if you do not let them know you are acting like a spy. This is important as Allah clearly forbids spying in the Quran:

يَا أَيُّهَا الَّذِينَ آمَنُوا اجْتَنِبُوا كَثِيرًا مِّنَ الظَّنِّ إِنَّ بَعْضَ الظَّنِّ إِثْمٌ وَلَا تَجَسَّسُوا وَلَا يَغْتَب بَّعْضُكُم بَعْضًا أَيُحِبُّ أَحَدُكُمْ أَن يَأْكُلَ لَحْمَ أَخِيهِ مَيْتًا فَكَرِهْتُمُوهُ وَاتَّقُوا اللَّهَ إِنَّ اللَّهَ تَوَّابٌ رَّحِيمٌ

O you who believe! Avoid much suspicions, indeed some suspicions are sins. And spy not, neither backbite one another. Would one of you like to eat the flesh of his dead brother? You would hate it (so hate backbiting) . And fear Allah. Verily, Allah is the One Who accepts repentance, Most Merciful.

(Surah Al Hujarat: verse 12)

So one must be aware not to be overprotective or attempt to search for the wrong doings of others; in any form.

Anecdote:

"A man went away from his family to work in the USA, after some time, he decided he wanted to go back home to visit his family. Because it had been such a long time, he wanted to surprise them. He went back bearing many gifts and souvenirs. When he landed at the airport, he took a taxi to his home. Unfortunately in the midst of this journey the taxi driver changed his intention; saw that this person obviously had alot of money, or belongings, and ended up murdering and robbing the man. Although the man was trying to surprise his family, things took an unexpected turn. With the family not being aware, they simply thought he was still in the USA. As some weeks and months passed by, the family were worried as he hadn't made contact with them. On investigation they discovered he had come back to visit them but been murdered."

SUMMARY

1. Always announce your presence before arrival or at the door (clear throat, tap shoes, call)

2. Do not be suspicious

3. Avoid arriving at night.

The Manner of giving Salam

The best methods of extending the greetings of peace are listed in rank order.

1.

السلام عليكم والرحمه الله وبركاته

"May the peace, mercy and blessings of Allah be upon you"

2.

السلام عليكم والرحمه الله

"May the peace and mercy of Allah be upon you"

3.

السلام عليكم

"May peace be upon you"

The order is proven by the narration of the hadith by Abu Huraira (رضى الله عنه) in which a man passed by the Messenger of Allah (صلى الله عليه وسلم) - who was seated in a gathering and said "Asalaamu Alaikum" The Prophet (صلى الله عليه وسلم) said "Ten good deeds are written for him", Another man passed by and said, "Assalaamu Alaikum Wahrahmatullah", and the Prophet (صلى الله عليه وسلم) said, "Twenty good deeds". Then another passed by and said, "Assalamu Alaikum wahrehmatulahi Wabarakatuhu" and the Prophet (صلى الله عليه وسلم) said "Thirty good deeds".

(Al Adab Al Mufrad)

=====

When responding to these greetings, one must return either a greeting that is better than it or is equal to it.

وَإِذَا حُيِّيْتُم بِتَحِيَّةٍ فَحَيُّواْ بِأَحْسَنَ مِنْهَا أَوْ رُدُّوهَا

"When you are greeted with a greeting, greet in return with what is better than it or (at least) return it equally".

(Surah An Nisa: verse 86)

Other general obligations of giving salam are summarised below:

1. When greeting a large gathering, or if you are in doubt that the person you greeted has heard you, it is reccommended to repeat the greeting 3 times but should not go beyond this.

2. It is the Sunnah to initiate the greeting and respond to them out loud/audibly

3. Make your greetings to all in a gathering, not just to those you know.

A man asked the Prophet (صلى الله عليه وسلم), "Which Islam is best?" and He (صلى الله عليه وسلم) replied: "Feeding others and saying As-Salaam both to those you know and you don't know" (Bukhari & Muslim)

4. One who arrives in a gathering should hasten to initiate the greeting.

5. It is sunnah for the rider to greet the pedestrian, the pedestrian to greet the seated, the few to greet the many and the young to greet the old.

6. When meeting, the better of the two is the one who initiates the greeting (Bukhari)

7. It is reccommended to greet young children.

8. When greeting those that are awake in the presence of those that are sleeping, one should lower the tone of the voice, such as not to disturb the sleeping, but be heard by those who are awake.

9. One should not "initiate" the greeting of peace to the people of the book.

10. When answering the Salam of the people of the book, one should reply "Wa-Alaikum" (And same upon you).

11. It is disliked to greet someone who is relieving himself.

12. When entering the masjid, one should first pray the 2 rakahs of Tahiyyatul Masjid before greeting those present.

13. When the Imam is delivering the Jumuah khutbah it is disliked to give salam

14. When meeting others, always begin with greetings of peace and then start your conversation.

15. Before one parts from a gathering it is sunnah to give the greetings of peace.

16. It is disliked to greet with the hand (like the people of the book).

17. When answering a letter one should also return the greetings.

18. Part of the full greeting is to shake your the hand. (brother to brother, sister to sister). [Al Adab Al Mufrad].

The Obligation of giving Salam

The Obligation of giving Salam

Allah (سبحانه وتعالى) says in the Quran:

يَا أَيُّهَا الَّذِينَ آمَنُوا لَا تَدْخُلُوا بُيُوتًا غَيْرَ بُيُوتِكُمْ حَتَّى تَسْتَأْنِسُوا وَتُسَلِّمُوا عَلَى أَهْلِهَا ذَلِكُمْ خَيْرٌ لَّكُمْ لَعَلَّكُمْ تَذَكَّرُونَ

O you who believe! Enter not houses other than your own, until you have asked permission and greeted those there in".

(Surah An-Noor: Verse 27)

فَإِذَا دَخَلْتُم بُيُوتًا فَسَلِّمُوا عَلَى أَنفُسِكُمْ تَحِيَّةً مِّنْ عِندِ اللَّهِ مُبَارَكَةً طَيِّبَةً

...But when you enter the houses, greet one another with a greeting from Allah: a greeting blessed and good...

(Surah An-Noor: verse 61)

وَإِذَا حُيِّيْتُم بِتَحِيَّةٍ فَحَيُّواْ بِأَحْسَنَ مِنْهَا أَوْ رُدُّوهَا

"When you are greeted with a greeting, greet in return with what is better than it, or (at least) return it equally..."

(Surah An-Nisa: verse 86)

When entering or leaving the house, one must acknowledge those inside by using the greetings of Muslims and the motto of Islam;

"May the peace and blessings of Allah be upon you"

The Prophet (صلى الله عليه وسلم) said:

"A Muslim owes another Muslim six duties. To greet him when he meets him, to accept when he gives him an invitation, to give him good counsel when he asks him for advice, to pray for mercy for him when he sneezes and says "Praise be to Allah" , to visit him when he is ill, and follow him (attend his funeral) when he dies".

We should not take preference of alternative greeting forms such as "Good Morning", "Good Evening", "Hello" or an arabic greeting such as sabah al khair/ marhaba/ ahlan wasahlan etc. in the place of this greeting. This greeting is the sign of Islam and the phrase the Messenger of Allah (صلى الله عليه وسلم) reccommended and used. The Messenger of Allah (صلى الله عليه وسلم) said to Anas (رضى الله عنه) :

"My son, greet you family when you enter your home, for that is a blessing for you and your family"

The Messenger of Allah (صلى الله عليه وسلم) also said:

"When one of you comes to an assembly, he should give the greeting. If he leaves he should give the greeting. Neither greeting is more deserving than the other."

(Al Adab Al Mufrad)

The greeting is deemed by many scholars to be wajib or sunnat ul mu'aqada whilst the reply is obligatory. So one is sinful for not giving salam. However when we make the intention to give greetings of salam we refer to 3; the person we meet, and the 2 angels. So the greeting of salam is of much greater value than "hi", "hello" etc, we have the intention of the dua'a which is multiple depending on the length of our salam and the degree to which we extend it. No matter whether our salam is given a reply by the person, the angels answer, so even when we enter an empty house, one should remember to make the greeting of salam.

So for example Asalamu-alaykum is plural, whilst Asalamu-alayka is the singular of the greeting. So in turn we should be generous with our greetings, we should when greeted reply with a greeting, a dua'a of equal or greater extent to gain extra reward.

In turn one must not be miserly with their reply. Abdullah Ibn 'Amr Ibn al-'As (رضى الله عنه)narrated:

"A liar is someone who lies in his oath. A miser is someone who is miserly with the greeting (of salam). A theif is someone who steals from the prayer (i.e. does not pray properly)."

One must always be gentle in their manner of greeting, as narrated in the hadith:

"Gentleness adorns every act. It's absence will tarnish it"
(Sahih Muslim)

Jabir Ibn Abdullah (رضى الله عنه) narrated:

"Some of the Jews greeted the Prophet (صلى الله عليه وسلم) saying, As-sam 'alaykum (Death be upon you) and the Prophet responded, And upon you. 'Aisha (رضى الله عنها), said angrily "Didn't you hear what he said?" The Prophet replied Yes and I answered them. We will be answered for what we said of them and they will not be answered for what they said to us".

So even with the non-muslims one must remember the correct adab that must be adopted.

Giving salam in certain situations is disliked, for example when you may disturb someone, when being taught, listening to the khutbah of salat-ul-jumu'ah, eating, sleeping, or in an important or private situation for example. However in other circumstances we should take heed and give salam, the Prophet (صلى الله عليه وسلم) said:

"By the One in Whose hand in my soul, you will not enter Paradise until you believe, and you will not believe until you love one another. Shall I not tell you of something that if you do it, you will love one another? Spread salam amongst yourselves."

(Muslim)

Imam Nawawi (رحمة الله عليه) said, "It is preferred to say Bismillah al-Rahman al-Rahim (In the name of Allah, Most Gracious, Most Merciful) when you enter your houses or the houses of others. You should say salam even if you enter vacant or uninhabited places and say a prayer to go out. It is narrated by Anas (رضى الله عنه) that the Prophet (صلى الله عليه وسلم) said:

"If someone says, 'In the name of Allah, I seek help from Allah. There is no strength nor might except with Allah', then he will be told ' You are protected my slave' and Satan will leave him."

(Tirmidhi & Abu Dawud)

He cited another hadith narrated by Muslim that Jabir Ibn Abdullah (رضى الله عنه) heard the Prophet (صلى الله عليه وسلم) say:

"If you enter your house and pray to Allah when entering and before your meals, Satan will say [to his minions] 'No sleep and no food'. If you enter without praying to Allah, Satan will say [to his minions], 'You have got your sleep and your meal'."

NB: For further detail on the rulings related to "Greetings" see Chapter 2: "The Book of Manners"

Entering while others are asleep

When you enter a place where people are sleeping, during the day or night, you should be quiet and gentle in moving, so as not to disturb anyone. One should always be considerate of others. We shouldn't cause undue noise when entering or leaving. For example, when we wake up for Fajr, or tahajjud, we should be especially considerate; not waking up the whole house to tell them "Oh look MashaAllah I'm awake for this salah", but do things for the pleasure of Allah and be gentle in all that you do.

Aisha (رضى الله عنها) narrated:

The Prophet (صلى الله عليه وسلم) used to offer his night prayer while I was sleeping across in his bed. Whenever he intended to offer the Witr prayer, he used to wake me up and I would offer the Witr prayer too.

(Sahih Bukhari)

The Prophet (صلى الله عليه وسلم) also said:

"Whoever is deprived of gentleness is deprived of all sorts of goodness"

(Bukhari)

It was also reported that the companions of the Prophet (صلى الله عليه وسلم) said:

"We used to keep the Prophet (صلى الله عليه وسلم) his share of milk, and when he would come at night he would greet us with a voice loud enough for those awake to hear, without disturbing those who were sleeping."

(Muslim)

In addition, whenever the Prophet (صلى الله عليه وسلم) used to pray at night, he would recite the Quran with a voice that pleased those awake, without disturbing those that were sleeping.

Princess Qater al-Nada was famous for her intelligence, manners and beauty. She was the daughter of Khimarawayh ibn Ahmad ibn Tulan, the King of Egypt. She married the Abbasid Khalifa al-Mu'tadad Billah who admired her refined manners and excellent education. Qater al-Nada said:

"My father taught me an important manner: do not sleep amongst sitting people and do not sit amongst sleeping people".

It is important to therefore remember that pride and arrogance are haram, we should be humble, and gentle in our ettiquettes. We should always be careful not to offend others by putting ourselves in their shoes and being aware of the harm we maybe causing. When we wake in the night or carry out good deeds, we shouldn't try to make everyone and anyone aware of them, but try to hide them; so as to protect, and ensure our intentions remain purely for the sake of Allah. Allah (سبحانه وتعالى) reminds us in the Quran:

وَعِبَادُ الرَّحْمَنِ الَّذِينَ يَمْشُونَ عَلَى الْأَرْضِ هَوْنًا وَإِذَا خَاطَبَهُمُ الْجَاهِلُونَ قَالُوا سَلَامًا

"And the slaves of the Most Beneficent (Allah) are those who walk on the earth in humility and sedateness, and when the foolish address them (with bad words) they reply back with mild words of gentleness."

(Surah Al-Furqan, Verse 63)

Entering or Leaving a House

CHAPTER 3

HOW TO ENTER

When we enter or leave our house, office, we should always proceed with our right foot first as this was the sunnah of the Prophet (صلى الله عليه وسلم). With the masjid, we should enter with the right foot but leave with the left. This should be accompanied by one of the following dua'as:

Du'a when entering the house

Dua'a when entering the Masjid

‘I take refuge with Allaah, The Supreme and with His Noble Face, and His eternal authority from the accursed devil. In the name of Allaah, and prayers and peace be upon the Messenger of Allaah. O Allaah, open the gates of Your mercy for me.’

Dua'a when leaving the house

‘In the name of Allaah, I place my trust in Allaah, and there is no might nor power except with Allaah.’

Dua'a when leaving the Masjid

‘In the name of Allah, and prayers and peace be upon the Messenger of Allaah. O Allaah, I ask You from Your favour. O Allaah, guard from the accursed devil.’

When entering or leaving the house we should be careful not to push open the door in a violent manner or slam it shut, nor leave it to close by itself wildly. We should close the door gently with our hand. Wild actions stand in contrast to the gracefulness of Islam that we are honoured to belong to. The adab of entering should be in a gentle manner, reflective of our character. A Muslim should be gentle in every way, when he sells, when he buys, when he enters the house and every other area of life.

Aisha (رضى الله عنها) narrated from the Messenger of Allah (صلى الله عليه وسلم):

"Gentleness adorns every act. It's absence will tarnish it"

(Sahih Muslim)

So we should be weary of our gentleness when entering or leaving the house. For instance if we storm in to our house, banging and stomping in as if we are a wild animal, what impression will that give to those within the home. Will they not be scared, or in dread of your visit? When a husband/wife returns home from work, they should for instance leave thier work, any stress or issues they may have faced throughout the day, outside the door, entering in a gentle composed manner, with a smile. Today, we are so obsessed with our own lives we forget the true essence of our actions, or that we may be acting more like animals than humans, than Muslim...

With respect to calmness, this is especially important in salah, in that it teaches us to be calm, punctual, soft and disciplined.

Abu Huraira (رضى الله عنه) narrated:

Once the Prophet (صلى الله عليه وسلم) entered the mosque, a man came in, offered the prayer and greeted the Prophet(صلى الله عليه وسلم). The Prophet(صلى الله عليه وسلم) returned his greeting and said to him, "Go back and pray again for you have not prayed." The man offered the prayer again, came back and greeted the Prophet(صلى الله عليه وسلم). He said to him thrice, "Go back and pray again for you have not prayed." The man said, "By Him Who has sent you with the truth! I do not know a better way of praying. Kindly teach Me how to pray." He said, "When you stand for the prayer, say Takbir and then recite from the Qur'an what you know and then bow with calmness till you feel at ease, then rise from bowing till you stand straight. Afterwards prostrate calmly till you feel at ease and then raise (your head) and sit with calmness till you feel at ease and then prostrate with calmness till you feel at ease in prostration and do the same in the whole of your prayer."

(Sahih Bukhari)

Dressing Properly

As has been previously mentioned, one should make an effort to dress neatly in the presence of others, no matter who they are. When visiting parents, pious people, elders, a relative, a friend, no matter how close, we should maintain cleanliness and elegance not ugly unsightliness.

Humans are naturely attracted or repulsed by what they see. Those that look good in clean clothes, smell nice, and are pleasant to look at people are attracted to them and enjoy their presence. Those that adopt the opposing characteristics, often cause harm to those that they meet with, through their physically unsightly appearance, their odour or otherwise. Hence this should be avoided to prevent people looking down on you (no matter who they are, or how close they are).

So to look neat and presentable when visiting someone or being visited is an Islamic manner. Do no ignore this aspect because you consider yourself close to those you are with. So if we should be visited whilst in casual clothing, we should change for the visitor, in order to enhance respect and complement your hospitality. These were the distinguished manners of the early Muslims.

NB: For further detail on the rulings related to "the Manners of Adornment & Attire" see Chapter 15: "The Book of Manners" by Fu'ad Ibn Abdul -Azeez Ash-Shulhoob

Arriving from a Journey

When travelling to visit someone or intending to receive guests, we should ensure that our hands, feet, socks and clothing are clean and we have a neat appearance. No matter whether those in question are your parents, relatives, peers, friends of a different age, or others. We should never underestimate the importance of our appearance. This could not only lead us to harming others with our bad odour, or untidy appearance but may actually impact the meeting as a whole. As has been mentioned earlier, humans have a natural tendency to love and be attracted to that which is beautiful, and pleasant.

The Prophet (صلى الله عليه وسلم) said to the Companions on their return from a journey:

“You are on the way to meet your brothers, put on nice dress and fix your saddles so you appear distinct among people as a beauty mark [on a beautiful face]. Allah likes neither roughness nor rough manners”.

(Muslim)

When visiting or receiving guests, we should also try to present suitable gifts to those receiving you, or to your guests. However large or small, or even symbolic, this etiquette can greatly enhance the pleasure of a meeting. The joy of meeting with others, is such that you will be remembered when your gift to them is seen or used. The gift can be as simple as a small bottle of itr or an siwak stick.

The Prophet (صلى الله عليه وسلم) said:

"Exchange gifts; Exchange love"

(Bukhari)

An important point to note here however is not to expect gifts, or to try and give that which is greater; for truly all actions are but by intention. We should give to increase love and for the sake of Allah (سبحانه وتعالى), not to compete, or show our wealth; as this may constitute arrogance. We should also remember the basic etiquette's of giving and receiving in that we don't give just because we receive, and we don't belittle or show lack of gratitude for a gift, no matter what it is. Even if we don't like the present.
The Prophet (صلى الله عليه وسلم) said:

"I shall accept the invitation even if I were invited to a meal of a sheep's trotter, and I shall accept the gift even if it were an arm or a trotter of a sheep."

in another hadith, the Prophet (صلى الله عليه وسلم) said:

"O Muslim women! None of you should look down upon the gift sent by her she-neighbour even if it were the trotters of the sheep (fleshless part of legs)."

(Sahih Bukhari)

A further note to add here is that often in disagreements, people are renowned to "take back their gifts". The Prophet (صلى الله عليه وسلم) clearly forbade this in the following hadith:
(صلى الله عليه وسلم) said:

"One who takes back his gift (which he has already given) is like a dog that swallows its vomit."

(Sahih Bukhari)

**The Adab of exchanging gifts will be discussed further in chapter 6 inshaAllah

Cleanliness and Washing

It is important to always be clean, wear neat dress, and smell good in the company of others. Allah (سبحانه وتعالى) says in the Quran:

“Surely Allah loves those who are most repenting, and loves those who keep themselves pure and clean.”
(Qur’an 2:222)

It was also narrated by Abu Malik al-Ash'ari that the Messenger of Allah, (صلى الله عليه وسلم) said,

'Cleanliness is half of faith and Alhamdulillah fills the scale, and SubhanaAllah and Alhamdulillah fill up what is between the heavens and the earth. Salah is a light, and charity is proof (of one's faith) and endurance is a brightness and the Qur'an is a proof on your behalf or against you. All men go out early in the morning and sell themselves, thereby setting themselves free or destroying themselves.'

(Muslim)

Cleanliness and purity are key when we are amongst other people. As Muslims we should be careful not to harm others with our smell, our untidy or unkempt appearance. As humans we all have a natural instinct to be pleased by that which looks good and smells good. As Muslims we should be aware not to give displeasure to others, or harm them. This is particularly important if we are smokers for example, or if we eat any pungent smelling food prior to salah. The Messenger of Allah (صلى الله عليه وسلم) clearly prohibited this in the following hadiths:

Jabir ibn Abdullah (رضى الله عنه) reports from the Messenger of Allah (صلى الله عليه وسلم) that he said, “He who ate of this (offensive) plant, i.e. garlic” and once he said, “He who ate onion and garlic and leek, should not approach our Mosque, for the angels are harmed by the same things as the children of Adam.”

(Sahih Muslim)

Narrated Ibn 'Umar(رضى الله عنه): During the holy battle of Khaibar the Prophet (صلى الله عليه وسلم) said, "Whoever ate from this plant (i.e. garlic) should not enter our mosque."

(Sahih Bukhari)

With respect to cleanliness and washing; Imam Bukhari (رحمة الله عليه) narrated that Salman al-Farisi said that the Prophet (صلى الله عليه وسلم) said:

"Allah will forgive the sins of the past week for he who on Friday take a bath, cleanses himself, puts on his (regular) perfume. Then he goes out (to Friday prayer) and does not try to separate two friends. Then he prays wherever he can and listens to the Imam"

(Sahih Bukhari: Kitab ul Jumu'ah)

That is not to say that we just have a bath on Fridays! If the body becomes odourous, one should not wait, but cleanse the body as soon as required, to keep clean and fresh.

Abu Huraira (رضى الله عنه) narrated that the Prophet (صلى الله عليه وسلم) said:

"It is the duty of every Muslim to have a bath at least once every week to wash his head and his body".

(Sahih Bukhari & Sahih Muslim: Kitab ul Jumu'ah)

To take a bath on friday is recommended as there is always a large gathering in the masjids. To apply perfume in such gatherings, not only benefits us, but others too, and in this sense may be considered an act of charity. The Prophet (صلى الله عليه وسلم) emphasised the importance to stay clean in the following hadith:

"If one of you had a river at his door and he washed himself five times a day, would any dirt remain on him?" His companions answered "No dirt will remain". The Prophet (صلى الله عليه وسلم) commented:"This is the example of the five daily prayers as Allah wipes with them your sins."

(Muslim)

There are 4 things distinct from the sunnah of the Prophet (صلى الله عليه وسلم) that we should hasten towards embracing, InshaAllah:

1) Modesty

2) Fragrance (**For women, only at home)

3) Siwak

4) Nikah (Marriage)

The Messenger of Allah (صلى الله عليه وسلم)said, “Four things are from the ways of the Prophets: Modesty, applying perfume, using a tooth-stick (siwak) and marriage.”

(Tirmidhi)

There is a clear difference between the sexes, in the sense that women "adorn" themselves and men are more inclined to purification. That is not to say that women are not pure, or are less pure, but there are certain things that a man must take care of, that are not really applicable to women.

The Messenger of Allah (صلى الله عليه وسلم) said,

“Ten matters are from upright natural disposition: Trimming the moustache, lengthening the beard, using the siwak, rinsing the nose, cutting the nails, washing the joints, plucking the hair under the armpits, shaving pubic hair and cleaning one’s private parts with water (istinja).” The narrator said, “I have forgotten the tenth, but it may have been rinsing the mouth.”

(Sahih Muslim)

These points really highlight the importance of cleanliness and purity and are perhaps most important for men amongst men, or men with their wives, women amongst women, or women for the husbands. Certain precautions should be taken particularly with women amongst non-mahram men with regards to perfume in particular.

Abu Musa (رضى الله عنه) narrated that the Prophet (صلى الله عليه وسلم) said,

'If a women scents herself and passes by people wanting them to smell her perfume, she is such and such [he emphasised his word]"

(Abu Dawud).

The Importance of Appearance

CHAPTER 2

THE DISTINCT MUSLIM PERSONALITY

A Muslim should be distinguished from the disbelievers in all ways: manners, characteristics, appearance, purity, and cleanliness; in short their way of life. Each and every principle is paramount to our social and private affairs.

The Messenger of Allah (صلى الله عليه وسلم) said to the Companions:

“You are on the way to meet your brothers, put on nice dress and fix your saddles so you appear distinct among people as a beauty mark [on a beautiful face]. Allah likes neither roughness nor rough manners”.
(Muslim)

When the Prophet (صلى الله عليه وسلم) said:
“He will not enter Paradise who has a grain of arrogance in his heart”,
a man asked
“A man may like his dress to be nice and his shoes to be nice.”
The Prophet (صلى الله عليه وسلم) said:
“Allah is beautiful and loves beauty. Arrogance is to deny rights and look down on people.”
(Abu Dawud & al-Hakim)

Shaykh Ibn Taymiyya (رحمة الله عليه) said that the beauty which Allah (سبحانه وتعالى) likes includes nice clothes. Hence it can be said that Allah (سبحانه وتعالى) likes all nice things (Majmu’a Fatawa). So it is important to look clean and tidy in appearance and have graceful manners, when we meet our fellow believers. This is not only to do with not harming others with our look, or smell, but because we are all attracted to that which looks good and smells good.

A Muslim ought to be recognised by appearance, manners, cleanliness and his/her dealings with others. These facts should be reflected in our own selves, in the cleanliness or appearance of our houses, gardens, cars, everything should be distinct, because all these are part of defining us as Muslims. We shouldn't neglect anything at all, or act as if we are ungrateful for our blessings.

The Scope of Islamic Manners

CHAPTER ONE

Islam does not separate ‘ritual’ from life; rather it is a comprehensive way of life. Religion is that which is part-time, followed by the non-muslims. The Muslims, take from Islam, the teachings for every matter, both private and social for every aspect of life.

يَا أَيُّهَا الَّذِينَ آمَنُواْ ادْخُلُواْ فِي السِّلْمِ كَآفَّةً وَلاَ تَتَّبِعُواْ خُطُوَاتِ الشَّيْطَانِ إِنَّهُ لَكُمْ عَدُوٌّ مُّبِينٌ
“Oh you who believe! Enter into Islam whole-heartedly; and follow not the footsteps of the evil one; for he is to you an avowed enemy.”
(Surah Al-Baqarah: verse 208)

These teachings are just as applicable to the old as they are to the young, and to women, just as they are to men. The Prophet (صلى الله عليه وسلم) said:

“Women are the counterparts of men”.
(Abu Dawud & Tirmidhi)

So what is required of men is also required of women, in terms of Islamic manners, and in turn they form the very essence of the Muslim society. Islamic manners cover every minor act, even those most private to us. The Prophet (صلى الله عليه وسلم) taught us for example the issues of taharah (purity, cleanliness) with reference to relieving oneself, menstruation, Janaba (major ritual impurity), bathing for example. Even the most private moments are detailed in Hadith, relating guidance to the believers.

At the time of the Prophet (صلى الله عليه وسلم), one of the polytheists mockingly said to Salman al-Farsi, “ Your Prophet taught you everything, even the manners of going to the toilet” Salman answered, “Yes, the Prophet (صلى الله عليه وسلم) forbade us from facing the qibla (direction of the Ka’ba) when urinating or relieving ourselves” Salman continued “The Prophet (صلى الله عليه وسلم) asked us not to use the right hand when cleaning ourselves and to use at least three stones for cleaning” .

(Reported in Muslim)

Another example of one of the multiple, beautiful Sunnah’s the Prophet (صلى الله عليه وسلم) is that of the wedding night supplication, read whilst one places his or her hand on the forelock of their partners head:

‘O Allaah, I ask You for the goodness within her and the goodness that you have made her inclined towards, and I take refuge with You from the evil within her and the evil that you have made her inclined towards.’

Islam is introduced by those who are practicing and living Islam, so it is important we are a reflection of the Prophet (صلى الله عليه وسلم) in terms of our adab and etiquettes. The personalities that Islam calls to are those that bring about harmony, peace and suchlike qualities. It is the internal beauty that really makes a person beautiful. By their manners, one will feel close to that person. The exhibition of manners is that which will help others to love us. When we look for a suitable marriage partner, it is important that we look for Husan ul seerah over Husan ul soorah (character before looks). We should lose interest in worldly competition and compete in increasing our manners, we should live in the dunya but be careful of our intentions, because it is that which renders a deed null and void, or rewardable.

When we slaughter and animal we should make sure it is beautiful, and should slaughter it in a just manner. We should sharpen our knives, cut the vein of the animal and ensure we don’t injure it, but are efficient and merciful in our actions.

So we should submit to the will of Allah (سبحانه وتعالى) whole heartedly and completely, for us to be true classed the true Muhsinun. It is the Muslims, the Muhsinun that will enter Janaah with no fear or grief.

Adab holds much greater value than ‘amal (actions). We should increase our efforts in adab, so as to insure that our ‘amal are not in vain. Many of us hold status, pride, arrogance in our hearts; we think it is “below us” to help those below us in status for example. Today, we lose sight of the fact that our beloved Prophet (صلى الله عليه وسلم) was just in his actions, and made efforts to help where possible and encouraged the same.

Sallam ibn ‘Amr (رضى الله عنه) narrated from one of the Companions of the Prophet (صلى الله عليه وسلم) “The Prophet (صلى الله عليه وسلم) said, ‘Your slaves are your brothers, so treat them well. Ask for their help in what is too much for you and help them in what is too much for them.”

Abu Huraira (رضى الله عنه) also said: “Help the worker in his work. He that works for Allah (i.e. the servant) will not be disappointed”.

(Al-Adab Al-Mufrad)

Let us be reminded, so that our actions and adab combine to make us close to the hearts and minds of people and more importantly closer to Allah (سبحانه وتعالى) and his beloved Messenger (صلى الله عليه وسلم).

Adab in the "Modern" world

Perhaps our greatest need in today’s adab-less society is really to look at our simple courtesy, our adab, the significance of our social behaviour, so we can take heed to the fact that as Muslims, we’re not just defined by the way we dress or our look. Muslims, Jews, Sikhs, Christians, many people grow their beards for example, the distinguishing factor though that makes the believer stand out, is not the length of his beard, but his adab. When we see a Muslim with a long beard and jubba, we are the first to say Masha’Allah, but when was the last time we said Masha’Allah to the adab, the manners, and the etiquettes of others with us? The true essence of adab is that no person is harmed by that person’s actions or tongue.

“A complete believer is he from whose tongue and hand (actions) his fellow Muslims are safe”.
(Bukhari & Muslim)

Sadly in today’s society, many Muslims are increasingly gaining a somewhat immoral, corrupt, deceptive reputation. The fine line between right and wrong has become increasingly blurred and the need for guidance in terms of moral guidance has never been greater. The following story was related by a famous scholar from the asian sub-continent:

“A man came to visit a scholar with his son. They travelled some distance to come, by train. The train fair for adults was classed as 13 and above which seemed quite expensive to the man, as his child had just passed the age of 13. When they arrived to see the scholar, he enquired of the journey, and how it must have cost a fair amount of money for them to travel there. The man told the scholar, “Oh no, my child looks under 13, so his fair was half”. The scholar then told the man of the great sin he had committed. This was not only a major sin, but the man was guilty of theft and deception; by carrying out an act to ‘save money’.”

This story highlights that we are often so obsessed with a good act, we become blind to the major sins we may commit and be teaching to our children. We may think on occasion “Oh we’ll get away with it”, but the ethics of our conduct with others are effectively what will be held to account on the Day of Judgement, so how can we become so blind to the scale of sin we are committing? It is all well and good for us to be devoted Muslims, praying 5 times a day, fasting, giving charity etc, but these are just a few branches of Islam, it’s our akhlaaq, our mua’malat (acts of welfare or good with our fellow Muslims) that really define our characters, and our true identity as believers. When we look to perfect our own characters, we must look at the greatest example Allah (سبحانه وتعالى) sent to the believers as an example. The Prophet’s (صلى الله عليه وسلم) character was such that his actions emanated mercy, patience, kindness, gentleness, justness, and sincerity to all.

Anas (رضى الله عنه) said:
“I served the Messenger of Allah when he was at home and on journeys from the time he came to Medina, to the day he died (صلى الله عليه وسلم). He never said to me about anything I had done, ‘Why did you do this?’ nor did he say to me about something I had not done, ‘Why didn’t you do such and such?’

(Al-Adab Al Mufrad)

Anas (رضى الله عنه) said:
“Whenever Allah's Apostle greeted somebody, he used to greet him three times, and if he spoke a sentence, he used to repeat it thrice”.

(Sahih Bukhari: Book of seeking permission)

Many non-Muslims, reverted due to His (صلى الله عليه وسلم) noble manners. Today, how many people revert to Islam because of the character, manners and etiquettes of the Muslims? The state of our affairs is now such that some non-Muslims are better in manners than Muslims. Even the etiquettes of bartering leave us to take things to such an extreme, we become so miserly we want everything for as cheap as possible. We don’t care that the seller may be making a loss, or that his heart is not content in the sale, we just want, want, want. When we’re driving on the motorways, how many of us give way to other drivers or get road rage? When was the last time you got angry at someone that overtook you? SubhanAllah, we need to take a step back and really take a look at how just we are with others. Do we have even a grain of mercy or patience within us?

The Prophet (صلى الله عليه وسلم) said:
“You must be gentle. Whenever there is gentleness in some matter, it adorns it and whenever it is taken away it disfigures it.”

Such was the obedience and eagerness of the companions, subhanAllah, that after the revelation of this verse; it is narrated by Abdullah ibn al Zubayr that whenever Umar ibn al-Khattab wanted to speak to the Prophet (صلى الله عليه وسلم). He would talk almost in whispers to the point that the Prophet (صلى الله عليه وسلم) could hardly hear him and would ask him to repeat what he said.
Such basic issues are continually being ignored amongst the Muslims everywhere. In the Quran, Allah (سبحانه وتعالى) addressed the companions of the Prophet (صلى الله عليه وسلم):

يَا أَيُّهَا الَّذِينَ آمَنُوا لَا تَرْفَعُوا أَصْوَاتَكُمْ فَوْقَ صَوْتِ النَّبِيِّ وَلَا تَجْهَرُوا لَهُ بِالْقَوْلِ كَجَهْرِ بَعْضِكُمْ لِبَعْضٍ أَن تَحْبَطَ أَعْمَالُكُمْ وَأَنتُمْ لَا تَشْعُرُونَ- إِنَّ الَّذِينَ يَغُضُّونَ أَصْوَاتَهُمْ عِندَ رَسُولِ اللَّهِ أُوْلَئِكَ الَّذِينَ امْتَحَنَ اللَّهُ قُلُوبَهُمْ لِلتَّقْوَى لَهُم مَّغْفِرَةٌ وَأَجْرٌ عَظِيمٌ
“O you who believe! Raise not your voices above the voice of the Prophet, nor speak aloud to Him as you speak aloud to one another, lest your deeds become fruitless and you perceive not. Those that lower their voices in the presence of Allah’s apostle, Allah has tested their hearts for piety, for them there is forgiveness and a great reward.”
(Quran: Surah al-Hujraat, verses 2-3)

Lying, breaking promises, becoming foul mouthed at the first sniff of anger, how many of us are guilty of this, and forget the imminent warnings:

إِنَّ الْمُنَافِقِينَ فِي الدَّرْكِ الأَسْفَلِ مِنَ النَّارِ وَلَن تَجِدَ لَهُمْ نَصِيرًا

"The hypocrites are in the lowest levels of Hell and you will not find anyone to help them".(Surah an-Nisa :verse 145)

Narrated by 'Abdullah bin 'Amr (رضى الله عنه) : The Prophet (صلى الله عليه وسلم) said, "Whoever has (the following) four characters will be a hypocrite, and whoever has one of the following four characteristics will have one characteristic of hypocrisy until he gives it up. These are: (1 ) Whenever he talks, he tells a lie; (2) whenever he makes a promise, he breaks it; (3) whenever he makes a covenant he proves treacherous; (4) and whenever he quarrels, he behaves impudently in an evil insulting manner."

(Sahih Bukhari & Sahih Muslim)

A Muslims akhlaaq should be such that others trust him. It is only when we put into practice the example of the Prophet (صلى الله عليه وسلم) that we will truly achieve love for him and truly please Allah (سبحانه وتعالى).

Importance of Adab

Ibn Al-Mubarak said, “Mukhlid Ibn al-Husayn once said to me,

‘We are more in need of acquiring adab than learning Hadith’.

This highlights that knowledge alone is insufficient to build a sound and balanced Islamic personality. Imam Zakariya al-Anbari once said:

‘Knowledge without Adab is like fire without wood, and Adab without knowledge is like a spirit without a body’.

So, vast amounts of knowledge and severe lack in adab, means a person is little more than a donkey laden with books. What use are the books to that donkey without being able to read? Similarly, what use is knowledge to a Muslim, without the practical mannerisms and etiquettes that really define us as Muslims?

Traditionally, adab was not taught but acquired and embodied between interactions between people. It has been narrated that Imam Ahmed (رحمة الله عليه) would have had up to 5000 attendees at his gatherings, maybe 500 would write and learn; the rest (4500) would simply learn from his actions, his adab. This has such importance that we learn by what we see, whether that is good or bad, hence it is essential and somewhat detrimental that we teach only that which is good, as the bad habits are perhaps the easier to acquire.

Looking at other classical examples from our pious Ulema; the mother of Imam Malik (رحمة الله عليه) would place an imama on his head and send him to his teacher Rabi'ah ibn Abdurrahman (nicknamed: Rabi’ah Ar-Rai’), to learn first from his manners, his adab and then his knowledge. Indeed the deen of Islam is itself manners, where anyone that surpasses you in manners, is better than you in deen (Ibn al-Qayyim). Abu Huraira (رضى الله عنه) narrated, that the Prophet (صلى الله عليه وسلم) said:

“I have not been sent as a Messenger, except to perfect character (Akhlaaq)”
He also said that:
“The nearest of you to me on the Day of Judgement will be the one who is best in character.”
(Bukhari)

All the books of Hadith have chapters on Adab. For example:
1. Muwatta’, Imam Malik: The book of good behaviour
2. Sahih al-Bukhari: The book of manners
3. Sahih Muslim: The book of dutifulness, ties of kinship and manners.
4. Sunan Abi Dawud: The book of manners
5. Sunan at Tirmidhi: The book of manners, and the book of dutifulness and ties of kinship.
6. Sunan Ibn Majah: Chapters on Manners.

The book Al Adab Al Mufrad was separated by Imam Bukhari (رحمة الله عليه) because he was aware of its great importance in everyday living. When we talk about Adab we must first begin with our Adab with Allah (سبحانه وتعالى) in terms of akhlaaq, sincerity, actions, avoiding shirk etc. We must qualify our respect for Allah (سبحانه وتعالى) and His attributes, His signs, His Symbols (the Quran, the Masãjid and everything connected to Him). Then we must purify and qualify our Adab with the Prophet (صلى الله عليه وسلم). In quantifying, Allah (سبحانه وتعالى) tells us in the Quran that in His (صلى الله عليه وسلم) manners and style, the Prophet (صلى الله عليه وسلم) was a perfect example:

وَإِنَّكَ لَعَلى خُلُقٍ عَظِيمٍ
“Truly, you have the best of manners”
(Quran Al Qalam: verse 4)

It has been narrated by many Ulema that if parents give any inheritance, there is no greater inheritance than Adab. Al-Walid ibn Numayr said that he heard his father say:

“They used to say, ‘Righteousness is (a gift) from Allah, but adab (right conduct) is from the parents”.

In this sense however, adab holds such importance that the actions of a believer are rendered null and void if they lack manners. In pointing out the status of adab in comparison to actions, Imam al-Qarafi said:

“You should know that a little of good manners is better than a lot of good actions”.

Ruwaym the righteous scholar told his son;

“Oh my son, make your deeds salt and your manners flour”.

So much like the “perfect dough”, many good manners with a few good deeds are better by far than many good deeds with a few good manners.

What is Adab

The word adab is not fully translatable from Arabic to English. It encompasses all the good things a Muslim must do. Adab linguistically means to invite people for food. The Arabic word Ma’duba is a word derived from the word Adab, and means to invite all or many people for all types of food, or a gathering around a table. Adab hence includes all that is good; every noble characteristic, habit, or trait that is included within the scope of adab.

Adab is natural, it isn’t really taught, or learnt, but it is naturally developed. Children acquire adab from their parents, students from their teachers, the young from the elders. We may have much knowledge but lack adab and we may have much adab but lack knowledge; but it is adab that holds the greater value and importance. In today’s society, where parents, teachers, and elders are no longer given their correct honours, respect or rights; basic manners have made a swift exit, whilst we compete for glory, knowledge, or worldly gain.

Adab In Islam

In the name of Allah the all Merciful, The most Compassionate

إن الحمد لله نحمده وستعينه ونستغفره ونعوذ بالله من شرور أنفسنا ومن سيئات أعمالنا إنه من يهده الله فهو المهتد ومن يضلل فلن تجد له وليا مرشدا ونشهد أن لا إله إلا الله وحده لا شريك له ونشهد أن محمدا عبده ورسله
٭٭٭٭٭ ٭٭٭٭٭ ٭٭٭٭٭
All praise is for Allah. We praise Him, we seek His aid, and His forgiveness.
We seek Allah’s refuge from the evils of ourselves and from our evil
actions. Whomsoever Allah guides then none can misguide him,
and whomsoever Allah misguides then none can guide him.
We testify that none has the right to be worshipped except Allah,
alone, having no partner, and we testify that Muhammad
is His slave and His Messenger.

*****

.

Umar Ibn Al Khattab (رضى الله عنه) narrated:
“I heard the Messenger of Allah (صلى الله عليه وسلم) say: "Actions are but by intention and every man shall have but that which he intended. Thus he whose migration was for Allah and His messenger, his migration was for Allah and His messenger, and he whose migration was to achieve some worldly benefit or to take some woman in marriage, his migration was for that for which he migrated."
(Bukhari & Muslim)

The one who seeks knowledge to fight quarrel or debate, to compete with the people of knowledge, to get attention, fame, or has any other ill intention; then Allah (سبحانه وتعالى) will enter this person into hellfire. Some seek knowledge for worldly reasons and fame, hence it is important to purify our intentions, before acquiring, or seeking knowledge.